Christian Names

by Blastmaster Baker

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Produced and mixed by O.B.
Recorded in Karmastoria, Queens, NYC
Summer 2015


quick on the draw but drawing blanks
got credit cards but don't trust banks
obtaining real estate and nickel bags
to face the day in a state of grace
we're saving face
we're space cadets and stowaways
who pay to play and make it rain
with paper planes
and bathe in gatorade
and pray we never taint our christian names
by giving into sin or losing in division games
the mission statement was dictated
by the victors
execute with strength and vigor
finish with a cigarette
because you fuckin' earned it, brother
we're starving artists in our minds
but in the parlance of our times
we're fucked
we're martyrs
we're a lost cause
we're con artists, and we're just so goddamned
we're midnight marauders
who wait in line for gold iphones
and start up tumblrs
just to become published authors
take the best price they offer
we all aspire to sell out
but we can't all find buyers
so it's diy or die or
just plain die while doin' nothin'
ain't that something?
we're all rushing
just to get a house
and get a job
and get a pill that keeps you hard
don't go anywhere without your id card
and that includes your local park
and probably your own backyard
'cause ownership is just a lie
you don't own shit
we all exist
in the universe's largest rental store
we've all been duped
we're all obtuse
and we believe we'll pass our secrets to our youth
we'll redeem them with the truth
and we'll redeem our coupons too
get our camel blues
seventy-five cents reduced
we're so fuckin' cool
we'll throw the shrink wrap and the foil
out the window too
get a plastic salad
try to say it's not fast food
we'll say look at us
we're young and on the go
we caught the google bus in san francisco
had a singalong
to "i love livin' in the city"
lee ving rolled over in his grave
i know he's not dead
but i bet sometimes
he thinks it might be nice
and we're so pc
that we actually believe
there's not a little lee in all of us
what does it mean when we succeed
at raking leaves
and keeping nature clean
as it should be in the lord's eyes
if you've chosen him as your tour guide
you'll get reward points
in any of our fine hotels
you can still order porn
but there's free wifi for members
if you sign up now
you get a free dinner for two in the lobby restaurant
and you'll ask the cocktail waitress
to have an awkward dinner where she works
and you'll request a wake-up call
just to hear a voice in the morning
and go up to your top-floor room
and try to fall asleep alone
and remember
you brought your personal computer
and who needs a human touch
when you've got
such a spectacular view?

and damn, it really is spectacular


released February 18, 2016



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Baker Youngstown, Ohio

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